Don't Look Back
by shelly99
Summary: *CHAPTER FOUR IS UP!* Mulder and Scully are after a serial killer, along the way he has to live with her. Not good for hormones, I tell ya.
1. Strange Knockings On Doors

**Disclaimers:  I don't own anything even remotely related to the X-Files, so no suing.**

**A/N: First shot at an X-Files fic, so don't hit me upside the head if it sucks.  I was looking through a whole bunch of stories I wrote along time ago, and found it.  I wrote it about 4 years ago.  So review, even if you hate it.**

**One**

            I awoke to the sound of pounding.  I sat up in bed with a start, my heart hammering to get out of my chest.  What's going on?  It took me a moment to realize someone was pounding on my front door.  I took a quick glance at my digital clock.  Three-fifty in the morning.

            "Who the hell," I mumbled to myself as I shuffled out of bed.

            For the past week I haven't gotten a full night's rest.  I've been too busy working on an X-Files case with my partner to sleep at all.

            "Damn it," I swore as I tripped over a carefully placed shoe.

            I made it out into the hallway without anymore foot-related casualties.

            "Hold on a minute!" I yelled, as the pounding became louder and more persistent. "Moron," I said under my breath when I reached the door.

            I swung open the door, not caring whether it was a masked murderer or not.  I vowed to hit whoever it was on the head with a bat. "What is it?!?"

            My heart gave an odd lurch when I saw who it was.

            It was a very rugged looking Fox Mulder, my F.B.I. partner.  His dark brown hair was tousled and messy, and his green eyes were glossy from lack of sleep.

            I lifted my eyebrow in annoyance, trying to cover up my racing pulse. "Mulder, what are you doing here?"

            Mulder leaned against the doorway, folding his well-muscled arms across his chest and grinned. "Oh, I'm sorry, I thought this was the Wendy's late night drive-thru.  My mistake." 

            I sighed, pressing my lips together.  My heart was calming down.  I concluded it was due to my sudden surprise, nothing more.  _Really_, nothing more. "Mulder, I'm being serious.  Why can't you?"

            Mulder's chest heaved oddly. "My apartment building burned down."

            "You're kidding."

            Mulder's face turned serious. "I wouldn't joke about something like this, Scully."

            I sighed, knowing full well he wouldn't.  I opened the door wide. "Come in."

            Mulder stepped in and took a quick look around. "It's been a while," he said conversationally.

            I followed Mulder into the living room and watched as he sank into the couch.  I stood the furthest away from him that I could, my bedroom doorway.

            We stared at each other in silence for a moment.  I crossed my arms over my chest and waited for him to speak.

            Mulder's eyes raked over the shorts and T-shirt I was wearing as pajamas. "Sorry I woke you." He half-grinned slyly, which meant he wasn't sorry at all.

            I raised an eyebrow, not irritation but amusement, but Mulder didn't need to know that. "What happened, Mulder?"

            Mulder leaned forward and rubbed his hands over his face. "I don't know, Scully.  I was finishing up some paperwork when the fire alarm went off.  I ran out of the building thinking it was a false alarm.  When I reached the outside, the building was up in flames." He looked up at me, his eyes dark with emotion. "Everything's gone, Scully."

            My heart was leaping to get out of my chest.  I shifted on my feet.  It was all I could do to run over and fling my arms around him.  But Mulder didn't want that.  Mulder expected the serious, rational Scully, so be it I shall. "What are you going to do now?"

            Mulder sunk back into the couch. "I was wondering if I could stay here until I found my own apartment."

            I sucked in a deep, inaudible breath.  Mulder.  Here.  In my apartment.  With me.  Alone.  Could that be anymore heart breaking?  I should say no.  But he has no where else to go.

            I guess I must have stayed quiet for a while because Mulder's eyebrows were lifted quizzically.

            "Scully?"

            "Hmm?"

            "Can I stay here?"

            I shook myself out of my little daze. "What?  Oh, yeah.  Sure.  Stay as long as you like."  Forever, even, I added silently.

            Mulder was looking at me oddly, with an expression I couldn't quite place.  It made me feel strangely warm all over.  I rubbed the back of my neck uncomfortably.

            "I'll get you a blanket."  It was basically an excuse to get away from his intense gaze.  I came back into the living room carrying a heavy blanket and a soft pillow.

            Mulder got up and headed towards the bathroom.

            "There's a fresh toothbrush underneath the sink," I suggested, as I carefully set the blanket on the couch.

            How was I going to deal with this?  It was bad enough I sat less than two feet away from him everyday, now I was going to sleep about five feet away from him at night.

            My face felt flush.  Why was it so warm in here?

            "Mulder?  I'm going to open a window."

            My answer was the sound of running water.

            Oh well.  I walked to the window and lifted it up easily.  The air felt cool and soft on my skin.  I sighed as I looked down.  No one was on the street.  But what did I expect at four in the morning.

            I saw a shadow move under a street light.  No, not a shadow.  A person.  A middle-aged bald to be exact.  And he was staring right at me, smiling strangely at me.

            I pretended not to notice him, even though his appraisal was sending chills down my back, and instead looked at the stars in the sky.  I closed my eyes as another cool breeze hit my skin.

            I could feel Mulder's familiar warm touch on my right arm.  He was all around me, filling every sense in my body with his presence.

            "Beautiful," I heard Mulder murmur in a soft voice.

            I vaguely wondered if he was talking about the night sky.  I opened my eyes and turned to him.  I found him staring right at me.

            Our gazes met for a breath taking moment.  The world seemed like it stopped moving and only we existed.

            _No.  Nothing will come of this_, I told myself.  Forget about it.  I tore my eyes away from his and looked outside.  My eyes once again fell on the strange man on the street corner.

            He was no longer smiling.  He was glaring at us.  No, not _us_, at Mulder.  What was his problem?

            I moved away from the window. "It's late, Mulder.  Goodnight."

            Mulder stayed at the window, not moving. "Did you ever wish on stars, Scully?"

            I stopped, not turning around. "When I was a child.  Not anymore."

            "Why did you stop?" Mulder asked huskily.

            I thought for a moment. "My wishes stopped coming true."

            "What did you wish for, Scully?"

            If only you knew, I thought painfully. "Childish things.  I grew up."

            Mulder sighed as if he was going to add something else.  But he didn't.

            I stepped into my bedroom doorway and turned to look back.  Mulder was looking out the window wistfully.  He looked so sad and sullen.  It hurt my heart to see him like that.  He looked as if something important was lost to him forever.  I guessed he was thinking about Samantha or Melissa, both lost souls with a deep connection to him.

            I laid in bed staring at the ceiling for what seemed like hours.  Mulder stayed at the window for a good twenty minutes before making his way to the couch.

            In the silence of my apartment, I could hear Mulder toss and turn.  Maybe he was having just as hard a time falling asleep as I was.  The thought brought a frown to my lips.

            I swallowed as I thought of going into the living room and snuggling up him, and chase all his fears and sorrows away.  Stop it.  Get a grip, Dana.

            Go to sleep.


	2. Don't Open Bathroom Doors

**Disclaimers: not mine, not mine, not mine!  I wish it was though, I'd be rich.**

**A/N: Sorry it took so long to update.  I had a test I needed to really study for, but that's all done for now.  Thank you to all who reviewed, very much appreciated.  I'll be updating more often now (unless something comes up).**  **This chapter might not be too good, but keep in mind, I was seventeen when I wrote this.**

Two 

            My alarm went off two hours later.  I didn't need it to wake me up.  Believe me, I didn't get any sleep at all.  I was to conscious of the fact that Mulder was sleeping in my apartment.

            I padded into the kitchen to make my morning coffee.  I heard the shower running and breathed a sigh of relief; grateful I'd be able to avoid him first thing in the morning.

            As the coffee maker began making noises, I patted my slightly messy copper hair.  I should brush it, I thought.  But why?  Mulder's seen you in worse states.  Hell, he's seen you naked.  You don't need to impress him.

            But I still found myself walking towards the bathroom.  The shower was still running, so I had a few seconds to run in and grab my comb.

            I opened the door silently and looked over at the sink.  There was my comb, gleaming brightly in the light, and next to it was a very naked . . . Mulder. 

            My jaw dropped down in shock.  Mulder stood there, his face a mirror of my own.

            Mulder grabbed a towel and tied it around his waist. "Morning, Scully," he said sheepishly, grinning.

            I managed to close my mouth and choke out a "Good morning."

            His dark hair was wet and his face still carried his morning stubble.  But I wasn't looking at his face.  My eyes wandered to his finely chiseled torso.

            What would it be like to run my hands down that chest?  My mouth watered at the thought.  To put my hands around that waist and untie the-

            "Do you need the bathroom, Scully?" he asked I could hear the smile in his voice.

            I forced myself to shift my gaze upward.  I swallowed thickly and blinked wildly.  I have to remain calm.  This did not affect me in the slightest.  I heard my wildly running pulse and answered him. "What?"

            Mulder half-grinned knowingly. "You can use the bathroom now."

            "Yeah.  Thanks," I mumbled.  I should have moved in or out of the bathroom, but I didn't.  I stayed in the doorway, only moving slightly when Mulder stepped out.

            My eyes were still following him closely when he turned around.

            "What is it, Scully?"

            "Nothing.  Nothing at all."

            "Oh." Mulder stepped forward and gently touched my cheek.

            I could feel my cheeks flame up around the same time my pulse began beating a mile a minute. "What is it?" I squeaked out.

            Mulder brushed my cheek softly as I looked up at him, eyes wide.

            "You have an eyelash on your cheek."

            Mulder cupped my face in his hands and brought his face closer to mine.  I lifted my face upward, eager for the long awaited kiss.

            The kiss was tender, yet heart racing.  Our lips met slowly at first, then more intensely, releasing all the pent up emotion of the last six years.  My hands flew to his bare chest and I rubbed my palms gently over his well-defined abs.

            Mulder let out a low moan and I took the opportunity to slip my tongue past his lips.  Our tongues caressed each other and I felt myself falling deeper.

            I wrapped my arms around his waist and pulled him closer.  Mulder took the hint and moved his hands from my neck to my back.  I was completely lost it when he began softly running his fingers up and down my back.

            This is what I want.  Our hearts beating as one, our breaths mingling and taken as one.  I want this, I told Mulder silently.

            As if on cue, Mulder pulled away, leaving me feeling disoriented.  I touched my tongue to my lips, missing the feel of his lips on my own.

            I looked up at him and watched as he stared at my lips in longing.

            I dropped my hands to my sides and fussed with my T-shirt. "We'll be late.  I better take a shower."

            I expected one of Mulder's quirky comments, but he said nothing.  He nodded slowly and moved away.

            I closed the door behind me and almost sank to the floor.  Don't over react over it.  It was just a kiss.

            Just a kiss.  I smiled grimly at that thought.  Just a kiss you've been waiting six years for.  Of course it was no big deal.

            I looked at reflection, griping the sink for support.  My hair was still messy from lack of sleep.  Mulder didn't touch my hair, I thought absently.  Maybe next time.

            "No," I said sternly. "There won't be a next time."

            I patted my slightly flushed cheeks.  My eyes were still sleepy, but they held a twinkling smiled that had a secret.  I looked like a woman who just had great sex.

            _Too bad_.


	3. Not As Cold As You Think

**Disclaimers: It's really not mine.**

**A/N:  Here is the next installment.  Thanks for all who reviewed.  I love reviews, good or bad, so please feel free to tell me if this chapter is any good.  **

Three 

The cold shower didn't seem to do any good.  My whole body still felt electrified.  How could one simple kiss set my body on fire?

            I stepped out of the bathroom expecting to see Mulder sitting on the couch reading one of our case files.

            But Mulder was no where to be seen.

            "Mulder?" I called as I stepped into the kitchen.

            There was no answer.  But there was a coffee mug and an empty bowl lying on the table.  A note with my name scribbled on top sat next to it.

            I picked it up and quickly read through it.

            _Scully,_

_                        I left for work early.  I'll see you at the office._

_                                    Mulder_

            I sighed as I looked at the wonderful mess he left me.  Why couldn't he be a little bit more neat?

            I dumped the dishes in the sink and looked at my watch.  My eyes wandered to the window and I couldn't help looking out.

            Once again the strange man from last night was standing across the street.  He was smiling knowingly at me, an I-know-something-you-don't-know smile.

            It sent shivers down my spine.  Why was he here again?  And why was he staring at me?

            Something in his eyes reminded me of the case Mulder and I were working on.  'I promise I'll see you again soon'.  Someone said this to me once.  But when?  And now?

            The ringing of my cell phone made me jump a mile.  Someone was trying to give me a heart attack.

            "Scully."

            "Where are you?" Mulder's voice was breathless over the line.

            "Hello to you too, Mulder," I said flatly. "I'm at home."

            Mulder ignored my sarcasm. "I think I found a break in the case.  How soon can you get here?"

            I sighed.  So much for breakfast. "I'm on my way."

~*~      

            On the way to work, I thought about the case.  It wasn't any stranger than other cases we've worked on but it was just as weird.

            In the past two weeks, four doctors have been murdered.  They all worked at different hospitals; all had completely different backgrounds.  On all of the victim's foreheads there has been a branded symbol.  A heart with thorns on it.  On a piece of paper next to the victim's was a written statement, "Love is forever.  Remember that.  I'll be seeing you soon."

            It's really not an X-Files case, but Mulder insists that is.  I know the real reason he's on the case.  The second victim was his college psychology professor, Dr. Daemon

            Even though he won't admit it, I know Mulder feels responsible.

            I stepped into our office and found Mulder  pouring over papers.  He was reading them intently as if the world around him dropped away.

            A lock of hair fell onto his forehead and I felt my hand move on it's own accord.  I looked down and stopped it on mid flight.  Stop that.

            I coughed.  Mulder was so absorbed in his reading, he didn't look up.  "What's this big break you wanted to tell me about?"

            Mulder's head whipped up and flashed a smile. "Hey, you finally made it."

            I folded my arms across my chest. "What is it?"

            Mulder stood up and ran a hand through his hair. "All four of the victim's went to Oxford.  They were classmates."

            "So they knew each other." I saw him tap the paper in front of him. "Who do you think it is?"

            Mulder looked at me, his eyes dark. "Maybe it's a disgruntled colleague."

            "A what?"

            "I think it's a former classmate of theirs."

            I arched my eyebrow in mock disbelief. "That narrows it down to at least a thousand people, Mulder."

            Mulder walked around his desk and grabbed his jacket.  I noticed for the first time he was wearing a suit.

            Mulder tilted his head. "Come on, Scully."

            I stared at him with child-like defiance. "Mulder, where are we going?"

            Mulder smiled mysteriously. "To see Frohike." He opened the door and made a motion for me to go first.

            "When did you get the suit?" I asked, as we walked towards the elevator.

            "This?  I picked it up on the way to work." He pressed the down button and we stood in an uncomfortable silence.

            We waited there awkwardly, purposely avoiding any eye contact.  

Finally, Mulder turned to me. "So . . . .um. .How are you, Scully?" he asked, digging into his side pocket and pulling out a bag of sunflower seeds.

            "I'm fine," I said evenly. "Why do you ask?"

            Mulder stuck a seed in his mouth. "I was curious.  You seemed out of it this morning."

            "I wonder why," I said dryly.

            The elevator doors opened and we stepped inside.  It was empty.  How convenient.

            I watched as he put the baggie back in his pocket and hit the first floor button.

            Mulder made a noise that sounded similarly like a soft sigh.  It reached down to the bottom of my soul.

            "What?" I croaked out, holding onto the bar in back of me.

            "You're so predictable, Scully," he said, smiling at me.

            "And what does that mean?"

            Mulder grinned boyishly at me, which sent my heart running into my throat. "It means, Agent Scully, that you will not talk about what happened this morning."

            Great, he wanted to talk. "Mulder, nothing happened.  It was a fluke accident.  A mistake due to the fact that we're both sleeping under the same roof."

            Mulder looked incredulous. "An accident?  A mistake?  You're unbelievable!"

            "What do you expect me to say?"

            Mulder reached out and slammed the emergency stop button.

            The elevator jerked and I glared Mulder. "What are you doing, Mulder?"

            "I'm trying to talk to you." His green eyes snapped brightly, giving the impression of dark fire.  God, I wanted to kiss him . . . . .No!  No, I don't!

            And I didn't want to talk.  And I *definitely* didn't want to have my brain psychoanalyzed. "There's nothing to talk about, Mulder."

            He shook his head in disbelief. "Fine, don't talk.  But by refusing to discuss this, you're basically saying you didn't want to kiss me as much as I wanted to kiss you."

            My eyes widened.  I didn't say anything.  What exactly was he getting at?

            Mulder stood in front of me, a depth of realization shinning in his eyes. "You're afraid.  You're afraid of admitting your true feelings, aren't you, Scully?"

            My temper lit up. "I'm not afraid of anything, Mulder," I said coldly.

            "Then you're just cold.  You've wrapped yourself in this ice cube so tightly, you can't even admit how you really feel."

            My eyes narrowed and I pressed my lips parted ever so slightly.  The nerve of this man!  Why on earth did I want to kiss this condescending know-it-all?  More importantly, why did I still want to kiss him?  If only he didn't look so damn beautiful when he was angry!

            "You were raised by your father to be strong and tough and never let your guard down," he continued passionately. "You think it would be weak to admit you real feelings.  Jesus Christ, Scully, that kiss never would have happened if I hadn't initiated it.  We'd be stuck where we always are if not for me."

            "Oh yeah?" I spit out. "Then how do you explain this?" I reached up, cupped his face in my hands, and kissed him hard.  I could feel him tense up in surprise.  Before he even had the chance to relax, I pulled away.

            We stared at each other, the electricity sparking around us.

            Mulder's eyes went dark with desire and I could see the challenge flare up in their depths.

            I waited about half a second before pulling him back to me.  Our lips met with the same heat as they did earlier.  Maybe even more so.

            I ran my hands through his short hair.  It was so soft.  How long have I waited to do that?  Much too long.

            Then Mulder went and did it.  He moved his hand to the back of my neck and softly caressed the spot just under the hairline, my weak spot.

            I went wild.  I moved my lips from his down to his neck.  A low purr escaped my lips as I ran my tongue over his throbbing vein.

            Mulder gasped which only made me want more.  I pushed him against the button panel and pressed my body to his.

            Bad mistake.

            The force of his body restarted the elevator.

            We broke apart, both breathing heavily.  As the elevator descended towards the first floor, I made sure I looked at least a bit presentable.  I smoothed my hair, ignoring my flushed cheeks.

            Mulder, on the other hand, didn't even make an attempt to look decent.  His hair was ruffled and messy, making him look as if he'd just woken up.  He also had a pinkish lipstick mark just over his right collar.

            The elevator came to a stop and the doors sprang open.  And there stood Assistant Director Walter Skinner, my boss.

            Skinner looked from Mulder to me and back again.  He raised an eyebrow as he looked over Mulder's disheveled appearance warily.  I could see his brain twirling a mile a minute.  I knew what he was thinking.  But he didn't say a word.  Skinner nodded his head slightly. "Agents."

            I managed a small smile, all the while praying my heart would stop pounding so loudly.

            Stepping out of the elevator, Mulder and I didn't say a word.  It was awkward, not like this morning.  What happened then could be written off as some fluke; that seeing each other in the semi-naked state set it off.  What happened just now was proof that it's more than just a physical need.  No.  It goes much deeper than that.

            I felt and stayed numb as Mulder lead me to his car, and as he drove us to the Lone Gunmen's hideout.

            Mulder was just as quiet as I was.  I watched as he drove, his forehead crinkled in thought.  He looked so amazingly beautiful in that state.

            Now we weren't even talking.  I knew this would happen.

            What am I going to do now?


	4. When Bad Things Happen

**Disclaimers: Well, I thought I was Chris Carter once. . . **

**A/N: For all of you who like this story, I'm _so_ sorry it took so long.  I've been so busy.  But hopefully this will satisfy those of you who've been threatening me.  Just kidding.  But here it is.  I promise I'll try to get the next chapter up faster.  Oh, and I apologize if Mulder's out of character.  I never finished this chapter when I was a teen, and it's been a while since I've watched the X-Files.**

**Four**

            "I knew it," Mulder mumbled, staring at the green computer screen in amazement.

            I arched an eyebrow warily. "Knew what, Mulder?"

            We'd been in the Lone Gunmen's hideout for all of about ten minutes.  The whole time we basically avoided each other like the black plague.  We purposely stayed on opposite sides of the room, not making any eye contact at all.  It was so obvious even the Lone Gunmen noticed.

            At the moment, Langly was staring at me behind his thick glasses in complete wonder.  Maybe he knows.  They are pretty smart.

            Mulder gazed at me.  No, not at me, through me.  He seemed much more interested in my shoulder than anything else. "This murderer, whoever he is, isn't killing because he's deranged.

            I folded my arms across my chest. "So the killer's murdering doctors because he feels like it.  And he's not deranged?"

            Mulder smiled. "Exactly!"

            I sighed.  He's right.  I should have gone back to being a doctor.  All he's done so far is infuriate and annoy me.  I should leave.  But that's the problem, isn't it?  I won't ever leave him without being forced to first.  I need him too much.  I love him.

            _Whoa._  Wait a minute and back up.  _Love _him?  Where'd that come from?  Is that what everything is all about?  The reason I wanted to deny the kiss, the looks, everything?

"Scully," Mulder was saying. "The third doctor who was killed was the doctor who delivered you."

            "What?" I exclaimed, stunned.

            "The first one was the doctor who delivered me," Mulder continued excitedly. "Don't you see the pattern emerging here, Scully?"

            Too many thoughts were whirling through my mind: doctors, births, Mulder, me.

            I guess he saw the shock on my face and mistook it for confusion, because he answered me softly.

            "Scully, the killer is after us."

            I was finally able to speak. "What about Doctor Patterson?  You and I didn't know her."

            Mulder shook his head slowly. "No, Scully, you did.  Well, in a way.  She was your pediatrician."

            This was too much.  I looked at Mulder like he was a maniac and walked out the door.

            I reached Mulder's car at the end of the block by the time he caught up with me.  He grabbed my arm and turned me around to face him.

            "Scully, you have to believe this.  It's not one of my outrageous theories.  Someone is after us," he said quickly before I had time to put in my usual logical two cents in.

            I swallowed, trying not to notice his hand still resting on my arm. "Mulder, I do believe you."

            Mulder opened his mouth to state his normal counter argument. "Scully, the proof is right- You what?"

            I half smiled at his surprise. "I believe you."

            Mulder gazed at me out of child-like eyes filled with wonder. "You do?" he asked boyishly.

            "I do." His hand on my arm was sending warm tingles all over my body.  It was making it hard for me to concentrate.  Why do you do this to me? I wanted to ask him.  I suddenly felt light headed.

            "Are you okay?" he asked, peering closely at my face.  Too close, if you ask me.  His forehead was scrunched up in worry.

            "I'm fine!" I said, my voice sounding weak even to me.  Of course I knew that would never be true.  I'm in love with my partner and there wasn't a damn thing I could do about it.

            Mulder's hand moved from my arm to the back of my neck.  Right about where that _spot_ is.

            Don't do that, I silently begged.  If you do that, I won't be able to control myself.  And control is the _last_ thing I can afford to lose.

            Mulder leaned in close, I held my breath in anticipation and my heart started beating rapidly in my chest, and he opened the car door.  I let out an inaudible sigh and I felt my face fall.

            "You're in shock, Scully," he explained quietly. "I'll drop you off at home on the way back to the office." He held the door open for me as I climbed numbly into the passenger seat.  I stared out window trying to get my thoughts in order.  Okay, I was in love with the guy.  No big deal.  People fall in love all the time.  And it doesn't always mean anything ever comes from it, right?

            "You know," Mulder began as he started up the car. "I thought things would be different."

            A sense of dread began kneading its way into my stomach.  I had the sudden feeling I wasn't going to like this conversation very much.

            "What did you think would be different?" I asked, trying to keep my voice neutral.

            Mulder kept his eyes on the road. "After we got back from Antarctica, I thought things would've changed by now.  But everything went back to the way it used to be.  You retreated behind your usual wall, shutting me out."

            I opened my mouth to answer him, but my vocal chords decided to let him keep talking.  I wanted to tell him he was wrong, that I never shut him out; that he's the only one I _really_ talk to.  But I realized he was right.  I don't trust myself around him, so I do keep him in the dark about a lot of things.

            "So what do we do now?" he asked.

            "I don't want to go home," I told him in a quiet voice.

            He didn't say anything as we continued on our way.  He kept popping sunflower seeds into his mouth like prescription pills.  When the reached the parking lot of our building, he sat rigid behind the steering wheel.  I adjusted my jacket, nervously picking at non-existent lint.

            "So what do we do now?" he repeated, voice void of emotion.

            I could feel his eyes studying me carefully and tried not to flinch under the gaze.  I took a deep breath and turned to him. "Why can't it be like before?  Why do you want to complicate things?"

            Mulder sighed. "Isn't that much obvious, Scully?  I want you.  I want you so bad it hurts to think, to breath.  It's been like that for years."

            I tore my eyes away from his searing one and stared out the window. "You don't mean that, Mulder.  We've been partners for six years.  It wasn't unlikely we'd be sexually attracted to each other."

            His hand came down on the steering wheel, hard, making me jump. "Don't give me that reasoning excuse.  I _don't_ want to hear it.  And don't try to tell me how I feel."

            I turned back to him after a moment of silence.  He had one hand on his face, rubbing it roughly.

            "I can't do this, Scully.  I don't think we should be partners anymore."

            It was like a slap in the face.  I'm sure a real one wouldn't have hurt so much.  And it wouldn't have felt like my heart was being ripped out of my chest.  Tears sprang to my eyes, clouding my vision. "After all we've been through?  You'd throw it all away?"

            "Isn't that what you're doing?"

            I shook my head slowly and swallowed. "Do what you have to, Mulder.  Isn't that what we always do?  What's best for you?  I'm not going to be bullied into something just because _you_ want _now_.  I think you're a little late realizing we should be together."  I opened the door and got out, ignoring his sounds of protest. And before I slammed it shut in his complaining face, I told him, "I'm not feeling so great.  I think I'll head home."

~*~

            I cried for the first time in a _long_ time.  I don't even know how long I lay curled up in my bed staring at the wall.  I slept a little, but not much.  I was sure he'd be staying at a hotel, but was surprised (and a little relieved) when I heard the key in the lock and his feet shuffle in.

            I didn't move.  I didn't want to see him right that moment.  The one person I trusted and cared for more than anyone wanted to be with me.  Just as a good lay.  Not anything more.  What exactly was wrong with me?  That alone started a fresh set of tears.

            "Scully?" he called from the open doorway.

            I didn't answer.  I just burrowed deeper into the sea of blankets.  The wooden floor creaked under his footsteps as he moved to the bed.  My heart beat faster when the mattress shifted under his weight as he lay down next to me.  He slid under the blankets and wrapped his arms around me tightly, my back pressed against his chest.

            "I'm sorry.  For everything," he said quietly, his breath tickling my neck.

            My stomach turned over unnaturally and my skin broke out into goose bumps.  My body moved to face him, even though my mind was telling it no.

            "Mulder, I-"

            "Ssh," he told me gently. "No talking. Not tonight.  Let's imagine it's the last time we'll see each other for years." He leaned in and pressed a single kiss to both my eyelids.  He bent his head and his mouth captured my in a rough, desperate kiss.  I returned the kiss, just as desperate, just as needy, dragging him closer.

            My mouth opened under his with little difficulty and he slid his tongue in.  He shifted so his body covered mine.  I arched my back as his hands found his way under my shirt.  His hand covered my breast, kneading it until I let out a loud gasp.  Then his mouth left mine to take over where his hand left off.  I tugged at his shirt, but he merely shook his head and whispered, "Not yet." 

            I wrapped my legs around his waist impatiently and lifted my hips up.  His eyes rolled back into his head at the sensation.  He mumbled something incoherent and started tugging on my clothes.

A few more seconds and his shirt and jeans were on the floor somewhere, quickly followed by my underwear.  God, he was fast.  His mouth covered mine as he filled me completely; making both our breaths speed up.

            It happened so fast I couldn't stop it if I tried.  But I didn't want to.  It felt like I'd been missing something my whole life, and I'd just found it.  But it wasn't the time for thought.  My heart was beating faster than it ever has, and I was so sure it would jump out at any minute.  My hands clutched at his back as he pushed in deeper.

            The room was filled with moans and heavy breathing as he pushed me deeper into the bed.  I matched him for every movement he made, sensing that familiar feeling in the pit of my stomach, begging for release.

            It came quickly, exploding in me like a bomb, filling every inch of my body.  Mulder linked his hands with mine, clenching them tightly as he continued to move in me.  He pressed a searing kiss to my lips, then buried his face in my hair.

            He moaned my name loudly when he reached his peak.  Our hearts were beating loudly in the same rhythm.  He lifted his head and stared at me.  Neither of us said anything for a long time.  But then there wasn't much to say.  Six years of waiting finally over.  

            Mulder rolled off me and lay next to me.  I decided now was as good a time as any to say something.

            "What-"

            He put a hand to my lips and cut me off. "I told you, no talking.  Well, you can talk, but no questioning what just happened."

            I nodded my head in agreement. "All right.  Then why now?"

            He let out a laugh and turned his head to me. "It was bound to happen, don't you think, Scully? Better now than later."

            I didn't answer.  Instead I turned to the window, my back facing him.  My heart felt heavy suddenly.  Of course.  Leave it to Mulder to sleep with you because it would have happened anyway.  I wanted to yell and scream at him to get the hell out of my bedroom and my life.  

            I pretended to be asleep as he called my name.

**A/N:  Okay, this chapter is done.  I'm trying not to take too long for the next one.  I'm really sorry it took over two months.  Bad case of writer's block.  And I apologize for the sex scene.  I don't write them very well yet.**


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